Some people love the holidays. Then there are folks like me who feel relieved once the dust settles and I arrive wearied back at my house. After the onslaught of local travel and forced festivities, I found myself utterly exhausted. There’s no rest for the wicked.
Stan, as always, your articles are well written and do not disappoint. I don't want to comment on this one, however.
I clicked on the link for The Havoc Journal and read your article Dirty Mirrors. I have never been to war, but I have lived certain places that, in my most impressionable time of "living life" you describe so exactly the feelings I have now of those times and places:
"Sometimes, when the pace of life gets too frantic, I reminisce on that sabbatical in Saddam’s empire. That, too, is a fantasy. My memories betray me when I think fondly of that season. Sure, there were good times. There was also obviously the opposite of that. Yet, in the boredom of middle age, I reflect on things and feelings that I likely didn’t even experience back then. It’s easy to romanticize the past, but romance is dead, and my memories are liars sometimes."
It took me years to realize that I was in mourning. For a place, for a people, for a way of life, for the feelings I drank in, but mostly I was mourning myself and the person I was during those years of my life. Mourning what I could have been if this or that had gone differently; if grit and determination were more prominent in my personality. For the longest time, I lived with an ache in my soul, constantly trying to catch my breath and ease the longing. The knowledge that it would never be the same as it had been caught up to me and those raw, bitter bits snuck in and tainted those precious memories. But, as you said so poignantly, "It's easy to romanticize the past, but romance is dead, and my memories are liars sometimes."
This article split me wide open and made me take a backward glance at feelings I have not allowed myself to go beyond the surface with for a very long time. Is that healthy or self -preservation, I wonder?
I think you’re right in that it’s likely both healthy AND self preservation as sometimes dealing with stuff left dormant can do more harm than good and other times it’s best to rip the band aid and salt the wound to heal it. I imagine it all depends on the season and our head space as to which is the “healthier” option. For years I’d say (and still feel) that I’m homesick for a place that I never wanted to call home. It’s ok to mourn all the versions of ourselves and grow from each experience as we shed old skins. Hell, I don’t know, I’m just some dude who’s too introspective and spends too much time with frogs, what do I know hahaa thanks so much for reading and the heartfelt reply.
Are you kidding? I love reading your "installments" and being able to comment to someone that is as introspective as I am and will take the time to give a genuine reply gives me some validation that it doesn't sound too silly. I wish I knew how to do what you are doing with the writing, but my self confidence gets in the way and.......poof. So keep it up and please name that beautiful frog.
Haha I bought 5 more of those frogs after that video. I appreciate you reading / commenting and honestly it’s as simple as just getting out of your own way and writing. Sometimes even journaling it and keeping it private helps. The point is to just get it out. I’m figuring it out one sentence at a time. So, I encourage you to try to write if it helps and the one thing I’ve learned is the only way to be a better writer is to just write and then write some more. Also, all first drafts are crap, so writing is really just editing / revising. All that to say, you got this.
Stan Another one that resonates I too just want to get through this season Over my life time I always travelled to family events to be with parents until they were gone and siblings and their families until they too were all gone After my parents were gone, I was a background figure: there but not there at the same time. After my last sibling died, I stayed home over the holiday season and the result was to friends family gatherings Notwithstanding how close those friends might be I just didn’t feel comfortable So I stoped accepting them and started going with a Jewish friend to Chinese restaurants on Christmas Day The foreignness of it was comforting and it is nice not to force festiveness when you don’t feel it but also to be with someone you care about I like you care deeply about family and friends and enjoy being with them but this time of year has too many ghosts of Christmases past for me But this year I divided to break the new cycle and got in my car on Christmas Eve and drove home to Richmond, visited the graves leaving wreathes and flowers, and spent the evening and Christmas Day with my sister in law with her, her children, grand children and great grandchildren It turned out to be the best holiday I have had in years I just let my self melt into it and didn’t hold back—I just let myself be myself I played with the children and they truly made it fun —they vanished the ghosts The grand daughters husbands were all veterans—two Marines and one Army—I liked them and related to them I decided being a part of the background is a choice and I decided this Christmas to go with the flow, and the utter joy, of those little kids was really invigorating I also didn’t judge anyone, I accepted them as they were that too was refreshing In short, you underestimate the content of this post It was big A little update: I am becoming more “fearless and vulnerable” too not only in my writing but my life and those two words are now inked on my body! I wish you and yours the best in the New Year Larry
Larry you’re a man with tons of wisdom! I definitely need to try going with the flow more and get out of my own way to just melt into the festivities. I’m glad to hear you had a good holiday and always glad to get comments from you! Happy new year and I hope you and yours are well.
Not sure if I sent you this but I’m leading a class like we did with worth (actually I’m using his structure and some prompts as a template) if you’re interested it starts next week. It’s going to be very informal. https://veteranscreativearts.wufoo.com/forms/r1bgs6xp1np4uss/
I have dealt with the comment thing my whole life. My children (as you know) instructed their friends not to ask how I felt about something,(because I would surely tell them.)
I didn’t sugarcoat things. I still don’t. We have gotten to be such a namby pamdy society that instead of having conversations about real issues, we tiptoe around each other. I can’t.
The grand kids have a nickname for me when the sarcastic side of me comes out. (Sometimes that’s the only thing to get people to listen) They have warned their friends, husbands & boyfriends about me. I’m sure you don’t say things to intentionally hurt. We read so much about kindness ( unfortunately, that only pertains to us being kind & not the other way around) . We should all be as kind as we can. I also think that we should try to be as understanding as we expect others to be of us.
This is one of my favorite writings by you!!! At 68 years old, what you see is what you get. I will never PURPOSELY offend anyone. You, my young Patawan, will one day be 68, be yourself now and then. We are very blessed to have spouses that love us no matter what. ❤️ I’m sorry this is so long.
I’m glad to be in good company. My sense of humor often gets me in trouble too since it’s pretty dark haha. All in all it’s who I am and I’m cool with it and glad you are the same.
Stan this weeks article could have been written by Glenna! You always know what she is thinking even if she doesn’t say it! It is both a wonderful thing and as she would say, a curse at times! I hope nothing but the best for you and Jess in the coming new year! As an aside, I’m almost finished with The Things they Carried. We need to get together and discuss it after I’m done. Love and hugs always!!
Well done, Stan. My mother used to tell me that her hope for me was to grow into my mouth.
Hahaha heck yea
Stan, as always, your articles are well written and do not disappoint. I don't want to comment on this one, however.
I clicked on the link for The Havoc Journal and read your article Dirty Mirrors. I have never been to war, but I have lived certain places that, in my most impressionable time of "living life" you describe so exactly the feelings I have now of those times and places:
"Sometimes, when the pace of life gets too frantic, I reminisce on that sabbatical in Saddam’s empire. That, too, is a fantasy. My memories betray me when I think fondly of that season. Sure, there were good times. There was also obviously the opposite of that. Yet, in the boredom of middle age, I reflect on things and feelings that I likely didn’t even experience back then. It’s easy to romanticize the past, but romance is dead, and my memories are liars sometimes."
It took me years to realize that I was in mourning. For a place, for a people, for a way of life, for the feelings I drank in, but mostly I was mourning myself and the person I was during those years of my life. Mourning what I could have been if this or that had gone differently; if grit and determination were more prominent in my personality. For the longest time, I lived with an ache in my soul, constantly trying to catch my breath and ease the longing. The knowledge that it would never be the same as it had been caught up to me and those raw, bitter bits snuck in and tainted those precious memories. But, as you said so poignantly, "It's easy to romanticize the past, but romance is dead, and my memories are liars sometimes."
This article split me wide open and made me take a backward glance at feelings I have not allowed myself to go beyond the surface with for a very long time. Is that healthy or self -preservation, I wonder?
Sarah
I think you’re right in that it’s likely both healthy AND self preservation as sometimes dealing with stuff left dormant can do more harm than good and other times it’s best to rip the band aid and salt the wound to heal it. I imagine it all depends on the season and our head space as to which is the “healthier” option. For years I’d say (and still feel) that I’m homesick for a place that I never wanted to call home. It’s ok to mourn all the versions of ourselves and grow from each experience as we shed old skins. Hell, I don’t know, I’m just some dude who’s too introspective and spends too much time with frogs, what do I know hahaa thanks so much for reading and the heartfelt reply.
Are you kidding? I love reading your "installments" and being able to comment to someone that is as introspective as I am and will take the time to give a genuine reply gives me some validation that it doesn't sound too silly. I wish I knew how to do what you are doing with the writing, but my self confidence gets in the way and.......poof. So keep it up and please name that beautiful frog.
Haha I bought 5 more of those frogs after that video. I appreciate you reading / commenting and honestly it’s as simple as just getting out of your own way and writing. Sometimes even journaling it and keeping it private helps. The point is to just get it out. I’m figuring it out one sentence at a time. So, I encourage you to try to write if it helps and the one thing I’ve learned is the only way to be a better writer is to just write and then write some more. Also, all first drafts are crap, so writing is really just editing / revising. All that to say, you got this.
Stan Another one that resonates I too just want to get through this season Over my life time I always travelled to family events to be with parents until they were gone and siblings and their families until they too were all gone After my parents were gone, I was a background figure: there but not there at the same time. After my last sibling died, I stayed home over the holiday season and the result was to friends family gatherings Notwithstanding how close those friends might be I just didn’t feel comfortable So I stoped accepting them and started going with a Jewish friend to Chinese restaurants on Christmas Day The foreignness of it was comforting and it is nice not to force festiveness when you don’t feel it but also to be with someone you care about I like you care deeply about family and friends and enjoy being with them but this time of year has too many ghosts of Christmases past for me But this year I divided to break the new cycle and got in my car on Christmas Eve and drove home to Richmond, visited the graves leaving wreathes and flowers, and spent the evening and Christmas Day with my sister in law with her, her children, grand children and great grandchildren It turned out to be the best holiday I have had in years I just let my self melt into it and didn’t hold back—I just let myself be myself I played with the children and they truly made it fun —they vanished the ghosts The grand daughters husbands were all veterans—two Marines and one Army—I liked them and related to them I decided being a part of the background is a choice and I decided this Christmas to go with the flow, and the utter joy, of those little kids was really invigorating I also didn’t judge anyone, I accepted them as they were that too was refreshing In short, you underestimate the content of this post It was big A little update: I am becoming more “fearless and vulnerable” too not only in my writing but my life and those two words are now inked on my body! I wish you and yours the best in the New Year Larry
Larry you’re a man with tons of wisdom! I definitely need to try going with the flow more and get out of my own way to just melt into the festivities. I’m glad to hear you had a good holiday and always glad to get comments from you! Happy new year and I hope you and yours are well.
I look forward to your Friday posts
Not sure if I sent you this but I’m leading a class like we did with worth (actually I’m using his structure and some prompts as a template) if you’re interested it starts next week. It’s going to be very informal. https://veteranscreativearts.wufoo.com/forms/r1bgs6xp1np4uss/
I am interested I will sign up
I have dealt with the comment thing my whole life. My children (as you know) instructed their friends not to ask how I felt about something,(because I would surely tell them.)
I didn’t sugarcoat things. I still don’t. We have gotten to be such a namby pamdy society that instead of having conversations about real issues, we tiptoe around each other. I can’t.
The grand kids have a nickname for me when the sarcastic side of me comes out. (Sometimes that’s the only thing to get people to listen) They have warned their friends, husbands & boyfriends about me. I’m sure you don’t say things to intentionally hurt. We read so much about kindness ( unfortunately, that only pertains to us being kind & not the other way around) . We should all be as kind as we can. I also think that we should try to be as understanding as we expect others to be of us.
This is one of my favorite writings by you!!! At 68 years old, what you see is what you get. I will never PURPOSELY offend anyone. You, my young Patawan, will one day be 68, be yourself now and then. We are very blessed to have spouses that love us no matter what. ❤️ I’m sorry this is so long.
I’m glad to be in good company. My sense of humor often gets me in trouble too since it’s pretty dark haha. All in all it’s who I am and I’m cool with it and glad you are the same.
Stan this weeks article could have been written by Glenna! You always know what she is thinking even if she doesn’t say it! It is both a wonderful thing and as she would say, a curse at times! I hope nothing but the best for you and Jess in the coming new year! As an aside, I’m almost finished with The Things they Carried. We need to get together and discuss it after I’m done. Love and hugs always!!
Absolutely man! That’d be cool to hear your thoughts on it.
Never stop saying it!
Haha makes life spicy but I know no other way.