The Last Dance
A Hardcore Kid All Grown Up
Waves of anxiety flowed over me as we made the twenty-five-minute trek to a music venue in downtown Winston-Salem. I’d been mentally preparing for this event for months. This was a show I never thought would happen, with bands I’d long written off as having had their moment come and go. I saw what I assumed were my last shows with local metalcore legend, Prayer for Cleansing, somewhere between 2001 and 2004.
The last time I saw Undying with Tim Roy fronting the band was right before I shipped off to Army basic training in 2001. Tim always served as the quintessential hardcore vocalist for me. He was an intimidating force that demanded respect as he screamed with wide eyes about social and environmental issues. As with the case of so many bands of the era, Undying used their platform as a way to affect change and build community.
The headliner for this show was Prayer for Cleansing, another favorite of mine. Dave Anthem has always been another tour de force as a vocalist. His performance during this benefit show was as impressive as it was the last time I saw them several decades prior. I was at Prayer for Cleansing’s farewell show and later at their reunion show in 2004. I was nearly concussed by a rogue spin kick at the latter. After that show I blacked out while driving home and hit a guardrail and veered across 3 lanes of busy interstate near Charlotte, NC; much to the horror of the friends in the car with me. We survived, obviously.
This reunion show was much more than just old bands giving it one last go. It was the result of a staple member of the North Carolina hardcore scene passing away, and the community rallying to raise money for his family by giving him his dream line-up post mortem. Hardcore is great that way. To date, over $25,000 has been raised in a GoFundMe for John Rivera’s funeral and family expenses, not to mention the money raised from the shows held in his memory.
All of the bands played in his honor and had personal connections to John. I won’t lie and say he and I were great friends by any means, but I did know him and talked to him many times over the years. He was always there. I don’t remember going to a hardcore show that he wasn’t in attendance. His “Punks on Paper” show archive was and is truly an amazing collection of nostalgia encompassing most of the punk and hardcore music scenes from the late 90s to present. He was truly the definition of North Carolina Hardcore and clearly affected many people with his life.
This show felt like a family reunion with a sea of faces I hadn’t seen since my youth. Lots of bro hugs and high fives were shared, and there was a general excitement in the air as we all knew how special it was to be present in this moment. I spent the majority of the show sitting at a table along the balcony watching the bands from my lofty perch. I could clearly see the pit below me with all the aging adults practicing some form of unsanctioned karate to the rhythm of the breakdowns. Middle-aged mosh pits just hit a little different, literally.
I did manage to go downstairs and watch Undying play their entire set and smiled like someone had given me a million bucks. Undying was always in the top 5 of my favorite bands and I hadn’t seen them as this lineup since around 2000 or 2001. When I left for basic training the original singer, Tim Roy, left the band and was replaced by someone else. It was never the same for me afterwards. So, to see Tim fronting Undying again brought literal happy tears to my eyes.
I clenched my teeth and bobbed my head to their set and as the opening chords of their final song “This Day All Gods Die” started, I lost my mind. I was transported from a crotchety 39-year-old with arthritic knees and bone spurs back to an angsty 17-year-old. I found myself in what felt like a prison riot. What began as hardcore dancing out of respect and admiration ended as fighting to survive those around me.
I remember doing what I promised myself I wouldn’t do. I started spin kicking like I used to as a teenager and after the third spin my top-heavy frame betrayed my balance and I toppled into the periphery of the pit. I fell right on my knee. Ouch. I slowly got my girthy frame back up to my feet. Licking my physical and emotional wounds I ambled through the crowd and slunk off to the back of the fray.
As the song ended, I hobbled broken and humbled back upstairs where my wife and friends were sitting. I decided for the headliner, Prayer for Cleansing, I’d sit that one out and admire from above. I screamed every word of their entire catalogue and left the show feeling both fulfilled in seeing my hardcore heroes a final time and equally saddened that this would likely be the last time I ever see them again. Time marches on and bands come and go but I can honestly say I came up in the hardcore scene in North Carolina at one of the best times in our musical history.
I’m sure everyone feels that way about the bands they grew up with but I am thankful for being a part of that era. I am equally thankful that this show was able to honor the life and memory of a recently deceased member of the scene who gave so much to NC hardcore during his short time on Earth. Hardcore has always been about community and for me it was the first place I ever felt like I belonged. If I never see another show, I can honestly say this one was one for the ages.
(if you look at the 26 second mark you may see this author spin kicking to oblivion at the bottom of the frame…)
All photos shot by the amazingly talented Daniel White. Go follow him on Instagram and check out his website danielrosswhite.com
This article was originally published in Volume 2 of Dirtbag Magazine’s print magazine. Go check out Dirtbag at dirtbagmagazine.org or on Instagram
I loved the things you shared. It brought me back to the time 2 of my children got started in hardcore.
Yes, it was a time that community was so important to those involved. I attended a few shows, one was a birthday party for my child turning 16. A couple of other shows were to watch my child perform.
Those who attended the shows were courteous to the older ones.
I enjoyed their dancing which was unique to their genre of music. It was entertaining & if someone got hit by accident, apologies were made & revenge was not taken.
It makes me sad to hear that the hardcore scene has changed the way it has. There are still a lot of good people who have never left.