Old Hope, New Adventures

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to live a creative life. I know it’s cliché, but I have always felt I had more to offer the world than just punching a clock and retiring. Maybe this is misguided idealism, perhaps it’s an unmet calling; either way, most of my life has found me in the dissonant in between. I see the life I desire, and I get stuck between the world I want and the one I have.

For nearly twenty-five years, I’ve been making wildlife videos. I postured myself as a host mixing influences from folks like Johnny Knoxville and Jeff Corwin. I carried a camera on my combat tour, but I opted only to film local fauna and personal shenanigans with my friends.

The traumatic moments stayed on the editing room floor; I didn’t want to relive any of that. However, filming a soldier getting drop-kicked in the chest to test the protective qualities of his ballistic vest, count me in, roll cameras—I was the recipient of that kick. I’d do anything for a laugh. I often found myself on all sides of the camera and quickly taught myself how to edit, produce, and all matters of film production. Fake it ‘til you make it, just keep those cameras rolling!

Once I returned home from that tour, I kept filming. I built a team. After a few years and some hilarious wildlife music videos, that iteration of my media journey fizzled out. It ran its course, and it was good while it lasted. I came close during those years to landing a television show, but it never seemed to pan out. I feel like a has-been that never was every time I even mention that. But it’s true.

My wish was always to be able to grab a handful of friends and travel the world or my own backyard and film the things I’m passionate about. Whether with a pen or a camera, I’ve always enjoyed telling stories about my adventures. The ideal has never been to become famous. I just wanted to work on something that had the trappings of making the world a better place. I found immense joy in folks laughing at my videos and still do.

The bigger plus was if someone learned something or changed an old mindset. It warms my heart each time I receive a text telling me someone didn’t kill a snake because of one of my videos. That’s where conservation begins, just one person changing an old habit by a few degrees.

The older I’ve gotten, the harder it has been to both get out and film as I used to. Honestly, after a quarter century, I often wonder if maybe the ship has sailed for me as far as “making it” in that space. It becomes harder to keep dreaming of the magical one day I get to make my living with my wit and encyclopedic knowledge of obscure nature facts.

Still, being outside is good for me, and if I can create some small video or photograph while there, it feels like a win. The public reception of my work never factors into my pursuit of wonder in those moments. I just let passion lead, and whether people engage with what I’ve created afterwards is mostly irrelevant.

The age of the internet and social media metrics can take the wind out of my sails when the numbers don’t align with my passionate pursuit. But I have to remind myself I’m here for the love of it, not the outcome of my endeavors. As I learned on one social media platform, all it takes is one video to change the course of my trajectory, so here’s hoping.

As I contemplate my employment future with the agency I’m currently aligned with, I tend to hope a door opens where I can fully showcase the creative potential stored within me. In an age where magazines, newspapers, television networks, etc., are falling by the wayside, I see my options in the creative spaces waning. But there’s always hope.

I don’t want to die at a desk processing claims for an organization that treats me like a number. There has to be more to life than that. Again, with the idealism. My resume is more sporadic than even this article. It’s all over the place. If anything, it shows I can do things I dislike for long seasons and perform exceptionally. I guess there’s something to being good at something you hate to make ends meet.

I always find a way to create, paycheck or not. Whether in a combat zone or an urban office-scape, my mind is never far from the woods and all who live there. I’m excited about the transitions to come and open to opportunities I may not have considered previously. Life isn’t about steady comfort; it’s about getting out there, getting dirty, and living to tell stories. It’s time for a new adventure!

This video seems to be blowing up lately on Instagram, so check it out: